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Fellow INFPs, do you feel me?

Fellow INFPs, do you feel me?

Oh, my fellow INFPs, can you tell me? Do you feel fundamentally flawed?

Much of the time, I feel like nobody understands me. So many people seem to operate on logic and don’t understand that I am based in the heart. I must seem ridiculous to them, and I find that when I speak to them I have trouble packaging my words in a way that helps them understand how I’m feeling or why I feel the way I do. And I’ll admit I don’t always understand them either. How does one work from the mind and not from the heart?

I feel destined to be misunderstood and alone. All the things they love about me come from the same place as the things maybe they don’t love so much.

All that they adore in us can turn into the reasons they chose to ignore us. Our passion. Our heart.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt ashamed of the way I am. I noticed I was different–more sensitive–than others. Hiding the tears I cried during sad movies. Plastering on the fake smile that I cultivated to cover the injury inflicted upon me by the simplest of statements (to them) until I was alone and it dripped down my face like melting wax lips.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve worked hard to embrace my sensitivity and what makes me…me.  But it’s tough when a friend tells you that maybe you aren’t worth their friendship because you get sad or upset when they attack something that you are extremely passionate about. They don’t understand that it feels like the world might crumble without those things which make your heart soar. Without which, we might stay hidden in the dark shadows that our pain buries us in. Often times, they don’t even see how what they may have said could be perceived as an attack at all. Are we unsolvable puzzles to others?

When I love someone and find them worthy of my attention, I love them deep within every cell of my body. This doesn’t happen often. I don’t have many people that I want to focus on in such a grand way, but when I find them, it is like magic. They are magic. But if they end up rejecting me, it feels like a world of color was suddenly reduced to gray.

They may not understand that because I care for them so much, their words can sting more than anything brought upon me by those I do not give a shit for. I guess that is a lot of responsibility to put on someone who may not understand the space in which I live.

But I don’t think they understand the heavy load that my affections place on my shoulders. I feel the pain of others deeply and am often compelled to listen and help. Their pain becomes my pain. If someone or something matters to me, I will put everything I’ve got into making it all better for them.

But not everyone is like this. Sometimes when I need an understanding ear or hand to hold, I can come up empty. Left to shoulder the torturous burdens alone. Not that other types are bad. They just don’t see or feel things the way I do. I understand that they are not trying to neglect or hurt me but they are…different. But understanding that fact doesn’t lift the clouds, does it?

So, am I meant to be alone?

Perhaps this why so many of our kind turn to the pen. The page will always understand the rhythms to which our hearts thump. Putting our words into black and white feels like the safest way to express and release our pain. Maybe no one will read or listen but it helps when we can transform our feelings–heart–into art.

https://www.patreon.com/KAliceCompeau

7 thoughts on “Fellow INFPs, do you feel me?

  1. Reblogged this on MartaLBB and commented:
    We all INFP are more or less of the same kind. You at least have some good points, you are young, beautiful and you have the internet to look for people outside your place. I would have liked to have internet when I was younger so I could have found the people I now have found on internet. I have learned a lot about myself thank you to INFPs blogs, groups, forums and even on twitter, you can find wonderful INFPs, twitting their experiences. Unfortunately, I grew up in a country full of extroverts where introversion is not well understood. Even my older brother used to tell me I was weird. So I always felt no only misunderstood, I also used to think it was something wrong with me. What makes me suffer a lot. Now I can understand myself and I am only sad for the years lost trying to be another person. So, my advice is, enjoy your introversion, look for people like you, there are some out there you don’t have to be alone the rest of your life. For me can be late but not for you. A hug, Marta
    https://delineatas.wordpress.com/about-me

    Like

  2. Yes. I’m an INFP-T and have always felt misunderstood. It seems to be the way. We care and feel deeply, and internalise it all. We’re healers. We see disharmony and sadness in the world. We want to help others and sacrifice ourselves for it. It also gets lonely because it’s all felt and intuited, without the ability to explain at times. At least that’s my experience. But I feel better now knowing I am an INFP. We just need to remember our strengths and that we have needs too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for leaving a comment, David. It’s nice to know others feel the same way. I used to wish myself away but not anymore. It can be tough to do but, you’re right, we need to remember our strengths and they’re actually pretty great.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I see the world through different eyes
    I see you all pass swifty by
    I see you all hurry, to save time
    you cant see whats there in your rush you seem blind.
    I see how all things fit together
    I see the stroke of the brush, the light on the feather
    I see what’s real and not a glance
    I’m not running around within my own trance.
    I see mistakes, I see redemption
    I see the flow of all your tensions
    I see the future and see the past
    It’s right now that we are supposed to grasp.
    I see the light, I can see the dark
    In all of us they are a part
    I can see these things, can you see?
    I’m sure there’s more than one like me.

    Liked by 2 people

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