Before I start this post I wanted to say thank you to all my followers. I just realized that I now have just over 200 followers! I’m sometimes surprised anyone cares what I have to say and to know that 200 of you decided to click “follow” on my blog touches my heart.
So…Christmas is just a few days away and that got me thinking about gifts. I really love giving gifts. I love the moment when I find just the write thing to give someone. Seeing their face light up or hear the joy I brought them makes my day. I LOVE giving gifts.
Receiving gifts, now that’s another story.
It makes me so uncomfortable and I don’t know why exactly. Maybe it’s because I don’t particularly like being the center of attention and I’m being looked at. Or it could be because I’m afraid I won’t react the way the person is hoping and I don’t want to let them down.
I think if I lived my whole life and no-one ever gave me another gift again, I’d be okay with it.
Is it an aspect of my personality that makes me that way? I guess it could be.
I don’t mind giving my books away but when it comes to selling them, I feel sick over expecting to be paid.
Receiving praise or acknowledgment is difficult for me.
I’m horrible at asking for help. It takes a lot before I’ll do it. But I’m happy to help someone out if they need something.
If I go out with friends (even the closest friends that I’ve known for years) I’ll insist on paying for my own drinks or food if they offer but I’d love to pay for theirs.
I gave up my Patreon page even though I had a few patrons because I felt like I owed more than I was worth. Adding the tip jar to this blog floods me with overwhelming embarrassment. While I can tell myself that other artists get tips for what they do, deep inside I just feel like an undeserving imposter.
Maybe it’s about control. I don’t know. Is it selfish of me not to allow others the joy of giving that I enjoy so much?
Am I weird? Is it a personality thing or something we learn from our parents? My parents are both very giving people.
How do you feel about receiving and giving gifts?