Be a good little manuscript!

Be a good little manuscript!

I’ve sent my baby out into the world. If my manuscript were a person, he’d have just gotten on the bus wearing a little backpack. And I’m standing in the driveway waving goodbye with tears streaming down my face.  bus-school-school-bus-yellow-159658

Goodbye, my darling.

My stomach is tied up in knots. Is he prepared? Did I do everything I could do to make sure he would perform well out there on his own?

I sent my manuscript to a beta reader, a critique partner, and an editor. I’m very nervous to find out what they’ll think. (It’s stomach churning misery)

This time is difficult for me. I’m already trying to find ways to occupy my time. I don’t think I’m quite ready to move on to a new manuscript but maybe I’ll work on my query and a synopsis. Did I ever mention how much I hate writing a synopsis? I REALLY hate it. It’s torture for me.

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Eh, maybe I’ll put that off a little longer. Ha!

I could paint (I’m not good at it but I enjoy it) or practice my guitar. I might do some reading or binge-watch The Sopranos.

Whatever I do to occupy my mind, I’m excited for my little manuscript to come back to me because however he does out there in the world, I’m very proud of him.

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And as always, I’ll be working on my Patreon page to share some of my writing with my patrons.

https://www.patreon.com/KAliceCompeau

Procrastination Queen

Procrastination Queen

Hey, friends,

So, as you know, I finished writing the first draft of my novel. YAY!!!! As much as that was a huge accomplishment for me, the hardest work is ahead.

Editing! Over and over and over, I’ll have to read this novel and find plot holes, inconsistent character traits, sentences that don’t make a lick of sense (oh, man that happens more than it should), wrong word usage, etc. This part is tough for me. I think the biggest reason is that I keep saying, “Oh my gosh, I’m such a crap writer!” and I will tinker with the same sentence over and over and over. Remove the comma. Stare. Add the comma back in. Take it out. Turn the sentence into two. Make it one sentence again. Add the comma. Stare. Delete the entire sentence.

This may be why I’ve all of a sudden become the crowned Queen of Procrastination.

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I got off to a good start on the first day. I edited the first two chapters, but then I really earned my crown.

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What did I do to earn my crown? Well, I sat around watching movies. It’s so important to clear those movies off my Netflix list, you know. I’ve been tweeting and playing hashtag games. I’ve watched Youtube videos. I’ve researched screenplays (like I need anything else to work on right now). Oh, and I’ve suddenly found Snapchat filters to be a very important use of my time.

I feel so much better now. Glad I got that done.

Sigh.

I know I need to sit my ass in the chair and edit these chapters. Once I get the second draft done, I’ll be able to turn the novel over to my first reader. And that might be another reason I’m dragging my feet so hard. It’s terrifying to share my work. Even though my first reader is someone I trust completely and someone who has been honest but gentle with feedback on my other novels, I’m still scared. I’m scared to reach each new step.

I’m scared of sharing with betas and critique partners. I’m scared of rewrites. I’m scared of querying and the rejection that will come with it.

But I’m going to take a deep breath and stop with all the procrastination. I’m going to take off my crown and remember how much I love my stories and how good it does feel when I finally do share them.

Wish me luck! I’ll keep you posted.

https://www.patreon.com/KAliceCompeau

I’m finished

I’m finished

I’m so excited to say that just a few moments ago, I finished writing the first draft of the novel I’ve been working on.

This is extra exciting because it’s the first adult length novel I’ve ever attempted. I’ve completed middle-grades before, but I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to write anything that would be more than double the word count I was used to.

Good thing I’m a stubborn so-and-so because even though I doubted myself I kept on working and today I got to write those two little magic words…

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Sure, it’s just a first draft, and it’s full of mistakes. I have rounds and rounds of edits and rewrites ahead of me, but I’m going to take a moment to celebrate this victory.

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Woo! I feel so incredible. To celebrate, I’m going to give away a copy of the Romance novel that I’m currently reading (Three Weeks with Lady X by Eloisa James) and will kick back and enjoy for a little while before I get back to work.

You can enter the Rafflecopter giveaway (Legal residents of the USA only) which begins 2/28/2018 at 12AM and ends 3/07/18 at 12AM by clicking HERE

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/539f1df61/?

https://www.patreon.com/KAliceCompeau

The downs are beating the ups.

The downs are beating the ups.

I try to be pretty honest on this blog about my feelings and my writing journey, and I have to say, this morning I’m pretty pissed and hurt.

I started a Patreon page as a way to share some of my work and my writing process with people who may have enjoyed my writing here or have enjoyed my humor on Twitter. Recently, I had a patron sign up and then treat me like I owed them more… like I owed them a relationship on a personal level.

I can’t tell you how hurtful it was to realize that someone didn’t give a shit about my work but expected that their money purchased me. I feel disrespected. I don’t mind being nice. In fact, it’s the way I prefer to treat people, but people take advantage of kindness, don’t they?

I already have a hard time believing that I have any talent and it felt like a kick in my already uneasy gut.

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Social media is excellent for connecting with readers, but it also opens us up to be hurt by people with creepy intentions.

So if any of you are interested in the way I look and not what I have to say, I don’t need you. I’m going to keep working, keep on trying. I’m going to keep on writing because it’s what I love to do. I’m even going to keep on being kind. But I’m also going to set limits and not feel as though I have to be extra nice to people who may or may not be pretending to support my work.

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Feelin’ good!

Feelin’ good!

I took a week off from writing on the blog, but I’m back!

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And I’m feeling good, friends.

First, I can tell my Vitamin D supplements have made a world of difference in my mood and energy level. I can’t tell you how exciting it is to feel like I might feel like my old self again.

Second, PeachyTags had its debut game on February 10th, and it went very well. The tag was #LifeIsPeachyWhen and here is a link to the moments if you want to read some of the tweets that came out of the tag.

Third, I got some more patrons on Patreon! I was completely shocked. I had just decided I’d give it six months and then I’d give up. So now I have a total of five patrons, and I’m so excited about it. In a world where people want everything for free or aren’t willing to spend more on a book than a cup of coffee, I’ve felt like my dreams aren’t worth much. But then here come these people who want to support me and my writing–my art and make me feel like it’s a dream worth believing. So to my patrons, if you’re reading this, Thank you! My heart could just burst–in the best possible way.

Finally, I’m very close to finishing my novel. I only have a few chapters to write to reach my word count goal. And that’s what I’m going to do now. I’m going to finish that book, let it rest a few weeks before returning to it and starting draft two.

I feel proud of myself. I feel optimistic. I just feel so damn good!

Also, thanks for reading my blog. I appreciate you, my dear friends and readers.

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https://www.patreon.com/KAliceCompeau

Are the clouds finally parting?

Are the clouds finally parting?

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Nope! And that’s how I ended up with a vitamin D deficiency.

Ugh! I guess it makes sense though, with an average of 299 cloudy days a year where I live; it’s no wonder. I moved here from Hawaii, and it wasn’t until recently that I noticed just how different I’ve been feeling. Perhaps it was a gradual thing? Also, probably about a year after moving here about 3 1/2 years ago, I had experienced a tragic life event that left me crushed. I won’t go into exactly what that was, it’s still too painful for me to talk about, but I thought it was the only reason that I haven’t been feeling like myself for so long.

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I finally went to the doctor and explained to her the way I’ve been feeling. Depressed and exhausted. She sent me for some blood work, and I forgot about it for a while.

Then I received a letter (and vitamin D prescription) from my doctor saying that I had a deficiency and it gave me the instructions on how to take my prescription. The letter said my goal levels were between 50 and 100 and my level was currently at a 19.

Well, I have no idea what a vitamin D deficiency or those levels mean or what the symptoms are so I read a few articles, and I was shocked and relieved. Here is a link to one of the articles, in case your interested.

You might want to read it, because as it states, “more than 40 percent of Americans are deficient” and that “Aches and pains? You can easily chalk them up to the aftereffects of your last workout—or simply not being 20 anymore. Tiredness? That could be because you aren’t getting enough quality sleep.”

I know, I know. You had no idea that I wasn’t in my 20s anymore since I look so young.

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I found that I had quite a few of the symptoms.

Depression ✅

Muscle Weakness ✅

Tiredness ✅

Crankiness ✅  What? No way! I’m a delight!

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Actually, I haven’t been super cranky, but I also haven’t been my normally happy self. Maybe moodiness would be a better descriptor for me. I’ve definitely been moody. I’ve been either very happy or extremely low.

For years, life has felt overwhelming and exhausting. My writing suffered. I wondered what was wrong with me. But maybe now I know. At least the physical component anyway. But I’m also taking steps to work on the emotional pain that I was too scared to confront or admit before.

I started taking my supplements last week, and I’m already feeling better. I can’t believe the difference in my energy and mood. I’m feeling quite happy and hopeful. The thought of returning to the way I used to feel (without needing to take some drug with its own commercial and side effects like nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, difficulty breathing, and death) is incredible.

I’m so happy that the thought of working on my novels feels exciting again and not like a chore anymore.

AND I’m thrilled to announce that I’ll be co-hosting a new Indie tag on Twitter. @Peachytags

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You’ll be able to play along with me and my two wonderful co-hosts, @Billie_Jean00 and @WonderKat365 on Saturday mornings at 8 AM. (You know I’m feeling better if I said yes to something that happens before 10 AM on a Saturday! Ha ha!)

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It’s going to be so much fun. If you’re on Twitter, I really hope you’ll follow our tag and play along.

And you know what… I change my mind. The clouds are indeed parting.

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I have a very good feeling that my efforts to write, clean, work, or do just about anything else will go from feeling like this…

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To feeling like this…

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I’m so excited to move forward, and I can’t wait to feel like me again! Woot woot!

 

 

 

https://www.patreon.com/KAliceCompeau

I’ve launched my Patreon page

I’ve launched my Patreon page

Hello, friends. I just wanted to make a short post to let you know that I’ve launched my Patreon page. I had quite a bit of fun setting it up and I’m looking forward to working with the site.

I will be sharing a middle-grade fantasy on Patreon to kick things off.

Thanks again for all the love you’ve given me. I’m going to continue writing in this blog and I’ll try to post every Monday. If you have any questions or topics you’d like me to talk about, feel free to leave a comment. I love hearing from you.

https://www.patreon.com/KAliceCompeau

 

 

 

Thanks for the support

Thanks for the support

Hello friends, just an update from last weeks blog (in case you were wondering how I’m doing) I’m feeling much better. Hopeful. Stubborn. Determined. I’m sure I’ll end up down in the dumps again one day, but it’s so nice knowing I have so many hands reaching out to help me back up.

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So many of you reached out to me with encouragement and support after my last post. I can’t tell you how much I appreciated it. All your messages of support made me feel like I wasn’t alone and just maybe people actually appreciated my writing and connected with my voice. I used to feel like I was just shouting into a void with this blog. I know that’s not true now.

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So many of you supported my need to take a break that the pressure I was putting on myself just drifted away. The next morning, I was filled with the urge to write. When my writing didn’t feel like something I had to do anymore, the joy naturally drifted back into my heart.

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Sometimes it’s hard to admit, or even recognize, that I need support, but it really did make a difference. I loved the interaction with all of you who read my blog post and took the time to send me a message. I honestly had no idea how many people were reading along. It touched my heart. Thank you to everyone who reached out to me. I was overwhelmed by the amount of beautiful, inspiring messages…and only one dick. Ha ha! There always has to be one, doesn’t there?

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To allow people to support me in other ways, someone suggested I set up a Patreon page–which I’ll be launching in a week–for anyone who wants participate as I move along this writing journey of mine. It does feel awkward to me to allow anyone inside and show them my work before anyone else sees things or to accept financial support. Even when I had my middle-grade fantasies published through a small press, I had a hard time accepting money for my books. I think I gave away more than I sold. But I’ve realized that I need to get over that. I should feel proud of my work, time, and effort. Support will allow me to spend more time writing, attending writing workshops and conferences, and purchasing resources that will allow me to improve my craft. I want you to know though, that just because I’m starting this Patreon page, you shouldn’t feel obligated to contribute. Believe me, your words of encouragement are enough. I won’t disappear from all the ways we interact now. I’ll still be tweeting like a madwoman (I have an addiction!), and I will keep writing on this blog. But individuals who want to become patrons of mine will have more access to my work and my process.

I’ll be offering rewards for my patrons. What will these rewards be?

1) Access to early drafts. You’ll be able to read my chapters (and tell me what you think, make suggestions.)

2) You’ll get to see extra materials that won’t be included in the book. (Scenes I’ve deleted. Ridiculous lines that I can’t believe I wrote. See the ridiculous scribblings I put in my dream journal. A behind the scenes look at where I find inspiration.)

3) Q&A’s – Ask me anything! Want to know about my creative process, when I write or are you curious about whether I have any weird writing rituals, you’ll be able to ask.

4) My super patrons will find their way into the acknowledgments of my finished work (if it ever gets published. No promises there but I’m a stubborn daughter-of-a-gun so, while it might be 84 years from now, if it happens, I won’t forget you.)

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5) Access to signed copies of any of my work that gets published.

6) Name some characters for me or help me name the book. Sometimes I struggle with character names and titles for my books. I’ll be looking to my patrons for help.

 

 

If you have any other ideas for rewards, I’d love to hear them. You can comment here, tweet me, or leave a comment on my Facebook or Instagram page.

Thanks again for all the love you sent me. I’ve brushed off the dust, and I’m ready to do this!

confident
https://www.patreon.com/KAliceCompeau

I want to quit.

https://www.patreon.com/KAliceCompeau

I want to quit.

Lately, I hate myself. I hate who I am. I hate what I do. I hate my personality. I hate my feelings. I hate everything about me. I feel like a failure, and I want to quit. Everything.

I thought about deleting this blog. I thought about moving all my novels and stories into the trash and deleting them forever. Deleting myself.

I’m even a failure at failing. I think about giving up on writing because I don’t feel like I need any more rejection in my life and what do I do? I write about it. Maybe I just need to give up on trying to be successful at writing in any way that would acknowledge me as a “real” writer and move on. I certainly don’t need any more trolls on Twitter questioning the fact that I’m a “writer” when I don’t write (as they see it), never considering the fact that pen names exist. And oh, I can’t possibly be a writer if I have a typo anywhere. Because being writer somehow makes you super-human and incapable of errors. Writers, after all, are never in need of those people called editors. We know it all. Isn’t that right?

I’m tired of the advice from writers and non-writers about how I should be writing more and not doing other things. And nothing is worse than the non-writers who are so sure they could write a book if they wanted to and feel the need to give me their little pearls of wisdom. This isn’t my first book. Every time I’ve tried to write in a way that isn’t part of my personal process, I’ve failed. I realize these people are all trying to help, but I still grow weary of hearing it all.

I’m paralyzed by the horrible fear that comes when I think about sharing anything I’ve written because I’m absolutely positive that it’s all shit. I’m shit.

When I think about finishing this book and querying agents, the joy is immediately sucked dry from my body. Working with a small press was a soul-crushing disappointment that left me feeling used and stupid. Those are the options, though, if I want to be a “real” writer.

I’m very close to finishing this book, but at this point, I just don’t care if I ever do.

I’ve, once again, moved into the shadows and I don’t really feel any desire to try to step out into the light. My heart is broken. My spirits are broken. I am broken. Most of all, I feel like I deserve to be a broken heap of nothing who will sit and wait until the moment I break down into fine dust and blow away.

I want to quit. But here I am–writing. And I’m sure, one day, bits of light will seep into my heart, get it pumping in an exciting rhythm again that gives me the heart to get up and keep trying.

Until then…*Sigh*

 

 

Trust Yourself

Trust Yourself

It’s only been a few months since I started writing my first adult novel. When I wrote the words “Chapter One” on the blank page, I have to admit, I seriously doubted I could reach the adult-length word count. I had only ever written middle-grades, and the thought of doubling my longest novel scared the living shit out of me.

I had so much doubt about whether I could do it or not but I didn’t let it stop me. And unlike before, I also didn’t try to write in any of the ways that I hear suggested by other authors. I stayed true to my creative process. Fast forward a few months and I’m nearing my target word count with no fear of not getting there.

The best part…I’ve had fun writing again. I haven’t struggled (much). Writing in a way that’s right for me (flying by the seat of my pants) and setting my doubts to the side has proven to be a winning combo.

So, lessons learned.

1) Don’t listen to anyone on HOW to write. Trust your intuition.

2) Believe that you can do it. (And if you don’t believe, just pretend you believe and get started)

 

I did, and now I’m a #NanoWinner2017 with less than 20,000 words to go to reach my word count goal.

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rocky
https://www.patreon.com/KAliceCompeau