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Social anxiety, anyone?

Hello, friends!

I wouldn’t say I have social anxiety disorder. I’m an introvert and going out to parties, and social situations exhaust me, but I would never say I have a disorder. Usually, when I feel like doing these things, I have a great time but am always ready to be home again. ¬†However, I have an event coming up this weekend, and I feel absolutely sick about it. I wouldn’t be lying if I said I was so anxious about it that I was considering hiding in a park somewhere rather than actually showing up.

The social anxiety institute lists the following symptoms for social anxiety disorder:

People with social anxiety disorder usually experience significant emotional distress in the following situations:

  • Being introduced to other people

  • Being teased or criticized

  • Being the center of attention

  • Being watched while doing something

  • Meeting people in authority (“important people”)

  • Most social encounters, especially with strangers

  • Going around the room (or table) in a circle and having to say something

  • Interpersonal relationships, whether friendships or romantic

So all these fit for me except for the first and last. And, btw, who would be okay with the second? Are there really people who don’t mind being teased or criticized?

Anyway, I know I need to do events like this to promote myself as an author and my books. But the thought of being with no one I know and chatting with strangers all day makes me feel physically ill.

I’m afraid I’ll look ugly.

I’m afraid I’ll say stupid things. Enter too many umms and uhs. Stumble over what I want to say. Basically, I’ll look like a big fat idiot.

Also, while I always got good grades in school, never got less than As in all my math classes, dealing with money makes me feel sick. Will I give the wrong change and appear to be an idiot? Will I fumble with using my square reader?

Ugh, I’m going to be a complete douche bonnet. I just know it.

I’m scared.

One good thing about me is my imagination. It allows me to travel to other worlds and write them down.

One bad thing about me is my imagination. Every time I imagine myself dealing with anyone, I imagine out all the worst things that can happen and all the awkward and stupid things I’ll do.

*Sigh*

*Deep breath*

*Muttering* I can do this.

I can be brave. I’m going to be brave. I’m going to fake confidence and hold my chin up.

Does it matter if I’m the only one who knows how terrified I am inside?

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Procrastination Queen

Procrastination Queen

Hey, friends,

So, as you know, I finished writing the first draft of my novel. YAY!!!! As much as that was a huge accomplishment for me, the hardest work is ahead.

Editing! Over and over and over, I’ll have to read this novel and find plot holes, inconsistent character traits, sentences that don’t make a lick of sense (oh, man that happens more than it should), wrong word usage, etc. This part is tough for me. I think the biggest reason is that I keep saying, “Oh my gosh, I’m such a crap writer!” and I will tinker with the same sentence over and over and over. Remove the comma. Stare. Add the comma back in. Take it out. Turn the sentence into two. Make it one sentence again. Add the comma. Stare. Delete the entire sentence.

This may be why I’ve all of a sudden become the crowned Queen of Procrastination.

giphy-downsized (31)

I got off to a good start on the first day. I edited the first two chapters, but then I really earned my crown.

giphy-downsized (32)

What did I do to earn my crown? Well, I sat around watching movies. It’s so important to clear those movies off my Netflix list, you know. I’ve been tweeting and playing hashtag games. I’ve watched Youtube videos. I’ve researched screenplays (like I need anything else to work on right now). Oh, and I’ve suddenly found Snapchat filters to be a very important use of my time.

I feel so much better now. Glad I got that done.

Sigh.

I know I need to sit my ass in the chair and edit these chapters. Once I get the second draft done, I’ll be able to turn the novel over to my first reader. And that might be another reason I’m dragging my feet so hard. It’s terrifying to share my work. Even though my first reader is someone I trust completely and someone who has been honest but gentle with feedback on my other novels, I’m still scared. I’m scared to reach each new step.

I’m scared of sharing with betas and critique partners. I’m scared of rewrites. I’m scared of querying and the rejection that will come with it.

But I’m going to take a deep breath and stop with all the procrastination. I’m going to take off my crown and remember how much I love my stories and how good it does feel when I finally do share them.

Wish me luck! I’ll keep you posted.

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